Wednesday, November 5, 2014

To Pee or Not to Pee

Ah, humans. Our magnificent species that reached the top of the food chain with our intelligent brain that can actually think of new ways to adapt and survive, and our multipurpose limbs to craft tools that have never seen before and to do mini-parkours across the mountains. Oh, and also with the suggested help of one big asteroid.

"'Sup, bitches?"

We have strived so much throughout the millenia that it might sound weird that we used to live in caves drawing stick figures on the walls while not masturbating in our free alone-time, and got totally freaked out when we "created" fire for the first time. I mean, really, we've come a long way indeed.

There are even times that our advancements seemed to be impossible at first. Like those first times when we discovered electricity and was able to control it, when we made a flying machine, when we made the first working computers, when we discovered the internet before cats took over it. It almost felt like we were guided by a more advanced alien race in our innovations, especially for the last two.

And yes, I'm one of those people out there who are so hoping for our first commercial use hoverboard in 2015. Although the chance for it to happen is already slimmer than my chest meat due to various reasons, one of which was about the impracticality of it.

Speaking of impracticality, there has been many cases of innovations that are also so impractical (read - useless) to the point that I won't believe that those are real legit inventions unless I see them for myself. However, there is one example of impractical invention that I actually came across, multiple times in fact.

No, not you. But I appreciate your honesty by admitting it

The urinal sensor, which is a passive infrared sensor that identifies when the urinal has been used, by detecting when someone has stood in front of it and moved away, and then activates the flush. This system has already become a common use in new urinal installations, as it has, in-fact, reduced the general water usage.

"So why did you say that it's impractical?" you may ask. Well, I won't see any problem with it if I live in western countries, I would be considered a weirdo right away if I do anyway. However, this nifty little gadget found its way to Indonesia, where it would prove to be more of a problem than a solution, at least according to me.

One that has nothing to do with Dorothy nor any Wicked Witch, despite what you see

You see, Indonesia has the largest muslim population in a country to date, and muslims have this customary called istinja regarding taking a dump. Basically, it says that we should always wipe our wiener after taking a piss, or we risk our prayers not valid because of the 'taint'. A logical custom, if you ask me, I mean why the hell would you leave your dick stained with your own urine odor? That's not even mentioning the amount of bacteria that's left behind.

We could do that by using water, leaves, or papers, but water is the most basic and the most recommended method. See the problem now?

With the urinal sensor installed, we would have no easy method of wiping our gentle ding-dong unless we bring tissues everywhere we go, which men rarely do. So more often than not, people will opt to use the bathroom stalls instead of the urinals, preferring to face the wrath of the bidets that would spray their ass. And those who just have to go right then right away will do some weird dancing ritual by tiptoeing to the side of the urinal that they just used to trigger the flush sensor. The rest would just hold it out until they get to a better place to spray the goodies.

"Welp, might as well do it out here. There are leaves all around!"

There is an alternate method to 'trick' the sensor by pressing your thumb to one edgeof the sensor and swipe accross it horizontally to trigger the flush, but not everyone knows about it, and this method can't be used on certain sensors either. Furthermore, it might reduce the sensor capability in the long run because of your sticky, sweaty, thumbs.

I know that this invention means well, especially the fact that it actually did its job on reducing the excessive water usage on urinals. But in the end, it's not really effective to use it in this part of the world, because it became a new problem instead. If only there is a way to combine it with the manual button and make it the default installation...

"Please notice me, senpai! :( "

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